The mind wanders……

His Story

The mind is wandering. A lot of thoughts come to it. Thoughts mostly from the past. Its late in the night almost close to midnight. A gentle breeze ruffles the trees out the window. A cat gives a shriek far away. Maybe it got a prey or may it became a prey.
Inside the room,  his mind is wandering. Thoughts about the past, things that were, things that could be, today’s affairs, office gossip, fantasies. He can’t focus, can’t control his mind. He never could. He lets its wander.
He is sweating, panting a-bit even. He hears an orgasmic scream; looks down. He sees she is satisfied. He sees her eyes are closed, enjoying every moment, wishing if they could last forever. He moves away from her. She hugs him. A gentle liplock. She whispers that she loves him.  He responds as gently as possible “So do I, honey” knowing that there is little truth in his words .

What does all this mean for her, he thinks. She thinks of this as night of passion, as this relation is maturing, moving towards a more logical direction. She sees a future. Settling down, Marriage and then a kid or two. She is in love.
And he? He is lost. This night is not any different from any other night. He is all out of love.
He looks at her; she is fast asleep now . He sets her aside gently, does not even bother dressing himself; moves towards the window looking at the dark night with no moon. He lights his cigarette from the pack lying on the nearby side table; struggles a bit with his rusty lighter but finally lights it. He takes a real deep one in and releases it slowly….

He can almost predict how it will  end. The tears, the broken dreams and the accusations. “You used me! “, “You cheap bastard!!” and obviously he inability to express why.  He smirks. It has been this way for a while now. One meaningless relation after another. He is searching for something, someone. He is lost.

He thinks of when he was happy last. His mind travels back to the college days; he was truly happen then. His was truly in love then. What happened then? He chickened out. She was older than him, almost 5 years old. She had lost quite a few years . Now her age was to get married. Her parents wanted her to get married. She could not go against them. He was not ready then. He was confused, he chickened out ……..he ran away……………away from her …..and now he is lost !

Her Story

Its 9am. She is stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic. The radio is churning one bollywood hit after another. They all sound the same to her. In the middle a RJ, shares all the latest bollywood gossip  from the local tabloid. She slams the Audio system off in disgust. A motorcyclist cuts across; brushing her car. She cringes and gives out a loud honk. In her mind she gives out a loud wail. She is visibly irritated.
Her mind wanders ; wanders to the past; to fond memories; memories of him; memories that  hurt her now.
She has learnt to control these thoughts now though, but today she is not in the mood. She lets go.

They were in college, in love and happily living in a fantasy world, believing things would work out; work out against all odds. College ended and reality struck. Her age caught up and it was time for her to get married. She could not go against her parents. She panicked; freaked out even. She wanted to be with him for the rest of life. But he was young, very young and she panicked in fear of losing him. She became defensive; pressurized him.
She scared him off. He ran away…. forever.

Then the marriage proposals followed. She put a pretty face each time, someone visited.  It went on for a while. But she then she  just couldn’t. She broke down.  Her parents wanted her happiness, wanted her to settle down but they saw that was not going to happen anytime soon. They let her be.

Why is she in such a mood today? Her sister called in the morning. Her sister is in the US, settled there; now married with kids and living a happy life; living the American dream. Her parents are proud of her. She is also happy for her. But she feels insecure inside, feels that people always talk about them, compare them, feels she  has let her parents down, feels they are not happy because her; not proud of her. Her parents, who she worships, who stood by her through the thick and thin.
She wants them to be happy; they want her to find happiness.

His Story

Its dark in here. Through the window, he sees streams of vehicles passing by. He is sitting next to strangers. Its a shared taxi service. He is being transported from his hotel in Sunnyvale to the San Francisco Airport. He was in the US for a couple of  months. It was his first trip to his dream country. He had a great time. His mind wanders … He recalls all the trips he had. San Francisco, Los Angeles, Las Vegas and Napa valley. He cherishes these moments.

He is jolted out of his thoughts,  when the lights come on. The car has stopped to pick up another passenger. The lights come on temporarily. He is too bleary eyed to notice who got in. The lights go out again. His mind wanders again. He is reminded of the countless trips to the Twin Peaks, San Francisco from where you can see the whole city from the top. The grandeur, the lights . He was held in awe each time he went. Sipping beer from the location, he felt like the king of the world.
His thoughts are interrupted intermittently though.  He suddenly feels anxious. A sudden sense of uneasiness overcomes him. He breaks a sweat.  He feels tired. Why this sudden anxiety? It is as if something has changed in his surroundings. He feels uncomfortable. He looks out of the window. He sees a continuous streams of lights on the expressway. The  car takes an exit.
After a while the car stops. They reached the airport. The lights come on.

Her Story

She is standing along a driveway, awaiting her ride. Its dark, a bit chilly. There is a gentle drizzle going on; as it always does during this season. She grows impatient.  Her ride arrives finally.  She gets in the vehicle, without taking notice of anything or anyone.
Her mind wanders. Her first trip to the US; Her trip to the big apple; The time she spent with her sister who is based in New Jersey and her sister’s family.  Again a sense of  joy and sadness.  Then a short business trip to the bay area. Now she is heading to the airport and from there back to her homeland. She had a great time, meeting a lot of people and except for the odd question about getting married popping up here and there, she loved it.

She is exhausted both mentally and physically. She closes her eyes and go into a semi-sleep state for a while.
The car swerves a bit, she awaken. The airport has arrived. She is alert now; wipes her face with some wet tissues, tidies her hair. The car stops. The light come on. She is ready to get down.

The lights inside the car are ON.  His pulse is racing. He may have skipped a beat of two. His eyes are transfixed. His mind is now focused. She has lost her tiredness. She is awake now both mentally and physically.
She is looking at him directly and he is directly at her.
The mind no longer wanders … it is focused and it is staring at its destiny.

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